Guest contribution by Rawan Salam
My friends called me beautiful
And so did he
He said he loved my hair
So, I thought I should cut it
I carry the extra weight
Hoping it would protect me
A part of me now hopes he thinks I’m ugly
Because that's the only thing he liked about me
I don't know if I should cut a part of me
To fit into a more lovable version of myself
Should I be more quiet and pretend to agree?
Or put my mind to sleep so that it stops defying what they need?
I don't see what they see in me
I feel undeserving of love
And compliments irritate me
I wonder why me?
All their answers seem detached of who I want to be
I wonder if any of the life I live is real
I wonder if anyone sees me for who I actually am
And not the girl I pretend to be