Written by Mahmoud Bondok


You know what I never understood? Why they call the overly romantic types “cheesy”. Think about it, why make the connection to cheese? Why would cheese ever be a bad thing? Cheese is the joker card of food; it goes with everything and it’s awesome and we all love it. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday though, and it kind of made sense… See, cheese is goopy and clingy and has that annoying solid/liquid thing going on when it’s molten, so maybe that’s why people came up with the word “cheesy”. Yep… I’ve just nailed that.

Oh by the way, just for the sake of that pesky “news” habit I seem to have developed, we would like to kindly inform our loyal readers to disregard all that cheese talk because the sole reason was to beef up my word count. We would also like to inform you that the blog will be offline until further notice until the U.S. federal government resumes work because they constitute 90% of our funding. Well, not really, but that would have been really cool, right? About that, the U.S. government has officially been shut down except for the essential services and national defense projects due to a stand-off that came to be between the US senate and the White House over the US budget, which is a lot less severe than it sounds. In essence, it means that the US government will suspend government spending in non-essential departments to cut down on spending in order to react to the accumulating government debt. See, THIS is news. Did you find that interesting? Of course you didn’t, because my cheese story was much better.

Dat Cheese…


In other news, apparently to cement the world’s view of Arabs as towel-headed terrorists who dress like ninjas and speak in guttural sounds bearing no semblance to the civilized speech of modern man, a Saudi Arabian cleric has reached an astounding, ground-breaking revelation based on years of studying… medicine? HAHAHAHA no such luck, he just likes to come up with stuff like that. Anyway, he claimed that driving can harm a woman’s ovaries and hence her child-bearing capacity. Please re-read that again. Now I want you to imagine any context in which that would make sense. I don’t know about you, but I can literally think of no position the human body can take while driving that would compromise internal organs… But then again, I am not as well-versed in the scientific arts of Saudi driving as that guy. I don’t know exactly how they drive over there, but isn’t driving kind of exactly like sitting down? Does that mean I can hurt my kidneys if I sit down too long, or something? Is that a thing?

On a side-note, I don’t even want to know what driving does to Saudi Arabian males.

I like how women driving is not OK, but things like this are.
I like how women driving is not OK, but things like this are.


Can I talk about cheese now? FINE, I’LL START MY OWN BLOG AND TALK ABOUT ALL THE CHEESE I WANT. Meanwhile, maybe you guys can chew on this: apparently female students “not dressed appropriately” will be denied access to Cairo University campus. No, Egyptian people, the security forces don’t have better things to worry about. We are just going to stick to raising your daughters and imprisoning your protesting sons for you, if you don’t mind. I find this move ironic, and I’ll tell you why. Remember the public uproar a few years ago when veiled students were denied entry to French campuses in a total ban of religious symbols? Isn’t this kind of exactly what we’re doing here? Not really, because apparently they’re banning shorts and flip-flops for male students as well. OK now I really have no idea what they’re going for.

I’m not even going to pretend to have a context for showing this.


DISCLAIMER: Cairocontra’s not responsible for any news we publish because we are not a credible source. Use of our articles in scholarly journals or school assignments are highly discouraged. Mahmoud Bondok is AWESOME. We like pie.


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