Does Sexual Experience Make A Man?
Our community’s beliefs has gone so far to grant extra privileges to men, for having an extra something between their legs, it has even managed to beautify the biased norms of that modern society. I’ve had a close friend accept to marry a young man with such an indecent reputation for “having done everything possible” under the umbrella of “men who’ve had previous experience before marriage don’t cheat after marriage”. Some say experienced men make a woman happier in marriage! I’ve heard other girls admit to wanting men with the “experience” they lack. Others say it really doesn’t matter whether a man is a virgin or not.
One of the stories I heard that caught my interest was from a young married woman who didn’t mind telling the tale of her and her husband. They wed for love but before the wedding, when they were just together and in love- she didn’t mind him having “experiences” with other women. In fact he would tell her the details about these experiences, and she claims it has offered a lot of help for their sexual relationship after being wed. “But he never slept with a virgin,” she exclaimed, “Yes he has an ethic code when it comes to that, he’d never hurt a woman!”
I wondered at the words of the young lady…. Everyone has the right to lead the lifestyle that they find suitable to them, but as she placed that emphasis on not hurting virgins I wondered; did she ever think that those young girls her previous boyfriend, now husband had claimed experience through were once virgins too? Did it ever occur to her that they might have had dreams of getting married and having a family of their own? Did it ever occur to her that her current happy state of marriage might have been built on tears of other young ladies who might have had faith in love for that young man she had married?
The Biased Bitter Truth
The truth is that our modern society has granted so many leases to men to have the life they choose before marriage regardless of the consequences and women and their families are more than happy to accept them with all their pasts; but if it were a woman in that position…. Things might be a little more awkward; no man or family would accept her, even if her non-virginity had been an accident or a rape case or even a onetime thing that she deeply regretted.
What happened to the culture & religions that taught so much about equality in virtue & vice? If men are so keen on preserving culture/religion and live with the fear of starting a family with a non-virgin, then why don’t the practice what they preach/expect of others? Why have we reached a stage where men are praised for breaking culture norms yet women are shunned into shame? Moreover, why have men decided to stop practicing tradition, culture & religion as opposed to the higher majority of women?
We currently live in a society where a man has license to hurt others, while women are not allowed the grace and mercy of forgiveness for even one mistake! And we’re all guilty, men and women. Every time a woman and/or her family accepts a man regardless of his past, as if jerking around were a childhood sport, she hurts several other women by approving what that man had done to them.
From a personal stand, while I do believe that people’s choices are not something for me to judge – that’s God’s job, I’ve got my own business to handle- I still have faith in my culture & traditions. Those traditions that have defined us, that make us stand out amongst the vast crowd of the world. No, I am not fascinated by western culture which has blurred the west into an undefined cultural haze. I love my roots, my culture; the religions in my land united under one flag, the traditions that have made us who we are distinguishably today.
What Can We Do About It?
So here’s what I think; we as a society need to stop granting free license to men as if laying-around is not a stain in their past, be more critical of men and their pasts because they deserve to be judged by it as much as women do; and we need to have room in our hearts to forgive because, guess what, women are human enough to be prone to mistakes as much as men are.
In the meantime, I’ll be sitting here with my older more modest self… today I’m a more forgiving person and I understand that relationships come and go. I’m still looking waiting (pardon me culture) for a virgin. After 8 years I still wish that out there, there’s a hu-man who had enough of my culture in him to save himself long enough for me… I know that I have room in my heart to forgive human mistakes & pasts, but the question will always be who will forgive those hurt in another’s past? I hope there might never come a time where I would have to choose between my conscience and my heart, all because of a mundane modern society.
What do you think of this topic? Remember to let me know and leave a comment below.