Sans Sugarcoating

Egyptian Human Male Penis ® Owner’s Manual

Egyptian Human Male Penis ® since 3100 BC!

Congratulations on obtaining your first Egyptian Human Male Penis ®! The absolute chaos of fertilization has conspired to gift you your very own male reproductive system and all the societal benefits associated with it. We are here to help guide you through the intricacies of male organ ownership.

Your “package” should include:

1 penis (most likely circumcised)

2 testicles

1 protective ballsack for testicular storage

1 manhood installation pack (optional)

* Kindly note that by not installing the manhood pack, you are technically a male but not yet a “man”.

Benefits of this system:

1- Ability to fertilize a human female egg.

2- Ability to masturbate excessively during your teen years, often in completely inappropriate locations.

3- Ability to orgasm quickly and efficiently at will.**

4- Ability to pop unpredictable and uncontrollable boners at the worst possible times.

5- Through our patented Dual Liquid Distribution technology, you are also able to use your brand new penis to expel urine, offering an unparalleled aiming experience which the other reproductive systems can only gaze at in wonder.

** Not applicable for systems aged 45 and older.

 

Benefits do not include the ability to sexually harass Human Female Vagina ® owners!

 

Kindly note that your male penis does not grant you the right to sexually harass random females whose only fault in life is living in Egypt without your God-given rights as an Egyptian penis-owner.

 

This has been a confusing issue for many penis owners, and Gender Privilege Industries Ltd. denies all possible liability arising from Egyptian males harassing defenseless females and trying to pass it off as “flirting”.

Please recognize the fact that most Egyptian Human Male Penis ® owners are sexually starved predators and that even if you are not one of them, random female passersby will assume that you are, until proven otherwise.

 

Do not claim ignorance or feign innocence and just leave them alone, because they have suffered enough at the hands of fellow Egyptian Human Male Penis ® owners such as yourself.

 

Thank you for choosing Egyptian Human Male Penis ® for your Egyptian human male penis needs. You are now ready to install the optional manhood pack.

What do you think?

There are plenty more helpful tips that males could use, what are yours? Are there other optional packs you believe males should install? Tell us in the comments below! 

About Mahmoud Bondok

Mahmoud Bondok is a sarcastic cynic whose biggest thrills in life include calling out idiots on their idiocy, overthinking to the point of lunacy and overreacting to everything like a 13 year old teenage drama queen. If that sounds appealing to you (God knows why it would), follow his private blog - link available separately on this page.

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