Amuse Bulletin: COUP-VOLUTION

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Written by – Mahmoud Bondok

Hi everyone, my name is Mahmoud Bondok and I’m a writer.
<Hiiiiiii, Bondok>
Support groups aside, I would like to welcome you all to Cairo Contra’s Amuse Bulletin; where I’m in charge of news articles. Or more accurately, spicing up the bids of boring news … But I won’t be the judge of that, you can see for yourself.

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Chimpanzee Meshmesh

People choose to think of the events our country is currently witnessing as disruptive to their lives, but I disagree. Why, you ask? A very good question, my very interactive audience, and one I would be glad to answer; because we are provided with non-stop entertainment. Forget action movies, we practically live in one. Why own a television, when you can star in your very own action movie? Why go to the movies when you can be part of a mob squad? Here, you make your own action. Weekly demonstrations have become a fact of life, and yet we continue to live and joke about it… Egyptians really are the most adaptive of peoples.

It came as no surprise that after the coup/revolution (or “coup-volution”- Dibs on coining the word.) there would be a violent crackdown on anything Muslim Brotherhood-related. Anyone with a beard is now an enemy of the state, and the old police state is back with a vengeance, literally. What was very surprising, however, was how quickly the government went back to its old oppressive practices. After the 25th of January revolution, protesting became a God-given right, and not a single week went by without demonstrations in Tahrir Square for one reason or another.

After the Brotherhood was uprooted, however -after taking four Islamist channels off the air- there’s been some increasingly aggressive rhetoric being issued by the government regarding the pro-Morsi protests at Raba’ square, culminating in an ultimatum issued by the government, in which the protesters have been given 48 hours to disperse, after which the protests would be actively dispersed by the security forces. I do not doubt for a second that there are illegal elements about the sit-ins, such as the check-points, illegal weapons and blockades. However, if the government was so fast to dub the protesters “terrorists”, then it won’t be long before they turn on the other protesters the minute they chant against SCAF and the old regime, maybe.

In other news that are much more important, a monkey at the Giza zoo passed away, apparently due to “severe depression brought on by lack of visitors”. I could spend hours explaining why this is the most important bit of news in the history of important bits of news, but I won’t. What is wrong with the world? How can people live and laugh and shop and sleep and protest and get killed when a monkey has died of severe depression? This is a wake-up call, Egypt. We have to wake up. It’s wake-up time. Monkeys don’t visit themselves, you know. Think about it, every second you spend not visiting the zoo, you’re killing a monkey. Studies have shown that more monkeys die while you sleep due to your neglect than they do of natural causes in the wild. Do you want that on your conscience? Can you live with that? CAN YOU? No?
Then get up, Egyptians… Visit the zoo. Save a life.

I would like to assure you all that there is no political agenda to this article. We strive to create a conflict-free environment here at Cairo Contra, and any political views you might have perceived are purely a product of your imagination.

Seriously though, my criticism of the old regime does not mean I support any of the political entities currently present in Egypt, nor will I express my opinions in this blog… I simply state obvious events as I see them and you can make of them what you will.

DISCLAIMER: Cairocontra’s not responsible for any news we publish because we are not a credible source. Use of our articles in scholarly journals or school assignments are highly discouraged. Mahmoud Bondok is AWESOME. We like pie.

 

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